Quiet and empty

I can't believe I have neglected my writing blog for a month. I really am sorry. I don't like to let you down.

Although I have had university holidays for the past five weeks, I in no way had a holiday. I helped my mum, my only family here in Australia, move out of our home because she needed to go back to Germany. I have shed so many tears that my skin is dry and raw from the constant saltiness and moisture. We packed, we sold most of our furniture, we threw out things I thought we would keep forever. I feel like someone has torn out my insides; I feel empty. And now she is gone. And I am here, with our cat. Even he is lost. Though somehow, my mum still feels so present here. It soothes this hollow feeling within me. Even for a moment.

Uni is back and I am distracting myself with meaningless words in textbooks. I hear and see people talk, I try to join in, but I'm not there. I'm not here. I don't know where I am.

I will write soon. For now, I just need to ache, and the words will come later.

I'm sorry for the absence, and I hope with all my heart you are well and that I will see you soon.

x

photo by jenna carver

winter days

I'm lying under warm, soft sheets reading the beautiful words of Brontë's Jane Eyre, with the winter sun slightly warming my cold fingers. A steaming, white mug of English Breakfast is sitting on my bedside table. I sip it and feel the hot, honey-sweetened milky tea pour down my chest. It burns, but in a good way; it warms me from the inside.

However simple this moment may be, it makes me realise how precious these simple moments really are.

I would also like to say thank you for reading my short story. I know it sounds cliché, but your kind words make me speechless and fill me with such joy. Sharing my words with you is the best feeling, and thank you for visiting this blog and being a part of it all.

This week is the last week of university classes for semester one, thank heavens. I really need a break. I just want to lie under the covers and read a book. Not having the time for such simple pleasures makes me feel edgy. Tomorrow the short story I have been working on is due. I'm nervous. I always find it hard to let long stories go; I feel as though I haven't put enough work into them, and that I'm exposing it too soon. It will be a big weight off my shoulder though. I wanted to ask you, would you be interested in reading it? I'd love to hear what you think. It's nearly two-thousand words, perhaps I could do instalments? Let me know how you feel about the proposal, my lovely readers.

I just want to say thank you all, you always make my day. x

photo by artist friendship

Today I spent the day editing my short story and auditing fellow classmates' stories for my writing component of my bachelor of arts. It's lovely reading other people's creations; seeing how they think, how they see the world. I never seem to find creative writing a bore or something I get sick of, unlike academic writing, which makes me hop up from my chair every five minutes.

Hot tea in my new white, large mug kept me company as my boyfriend worked throughout the day, and now the sun has set and the cold has settled. Home-made pizza is in the oven, cuddles make me warm from the inside out, and movies are waiting to be watched. 

I love days like these. I hope to make a career out of it one day, if I'm lucky enough.

Have a beautiful night and weekend x

It's crazy how much uni work I have at the moment. Nevertheless, I enjoy the hard work. It forces me to think differently, and I feel rewarded with the new knowledge. Life seems to be a bit splintered at the moment, but I underneath it all I see another message hinting at me to remember what I do have.

Today the sun shines powerfully through the Autumn chill; it doesn't want to let go. I don't want it to let go either. The sun's light thaws my frosted skin and my irises grow to its Gods. I take solace in the thought of my mother now at home, resting in the shade. Repairing.

Have a beautiful day, my lovely readers. x 

photo by spassk

your dark daze

He hauls me to a dark daze, where flickers of light become eternally lost beneath the blackness, where wind makes mountains shiver, where life bears no child. 

When the moonless, meandering path appears through the thick blanket of mist I will run from you.

________________________________________

I've had such a busy week so far. Uni is so busy and vibrant, it's exhilarating! I'm looking forward to Monday when the lectures begin, but until then I'm just going to (try to) relax, sleep well and have some fun with some lovely girls I met. I don't want to jinx it, but I feel like it's all going uphill, I just hope it lasts. Apologies for the short piece, I can't seem to sit in one place long enough to write something of decent length. I do hope you are all having a lovely week. x

photo by vinny gillian 

a new road

Day seem to go by in seconds, and tomorrow I will begin university. I will be studying writing, philosophy and journalism and am really looking forward to it. Over the past year, I worked full time and then travelled Europe, and so now I long for knowledge. I feel like my brain has shrunk and I need insightful words to make it live again and grow. I'm quite nervous, I wish I knew people going there but I guess I will meet new people soon. I hope you are all having a beautiful Sunday, dears.

photo by julie lansom 

the city

I moved to the city yesterday. It doesn't feel like home yet, but it will. I miss home, my mum. I can't hear the ocean anymore; now I hear a train, slowing to a stop. All my possessions feel out of place, but they will find their place soon enough. The city is so alive, constantly. I feel like I can't keep up, but I'm not drowning. I feel excited, to explore and see what I can get out of this city. I can only see a few glimmering stars; at home the whole sky would be alight. It will take me a while to fall asleep tonight but I don't mind, I'm just getting conversant with my new home.

Anyone want to be my friend? I left my friends behind.

photo by alberto polo ianez 

the queenslander

in search for a lovely place to live, my boyfriend and i took a long drive to the city and looked at houses. the first place was run-down and had an eerie feel, the second was a lovely modern apartment but costs too much, and the third was this amazing old, renovated queenslander; high-set, beautiful veranda, white ceiling roses & white wood panel walls, an old stone fireplace and wooden floors. we are sharing with a two lovely ladies (i wish we could afford a house like this on our own) and can move in anytime, now we have to decide when!

i'd also like to send my best wishes and hope to all the sufferers of the queensland floods. the floods, now dubbed the 'in-land tsunami', has now inundated three-quarters of queensland, with the death toll currently at 10 and suspected of rising. my heart goes out to the families and i hope this watery hell ends soon. please donate here.

photos by
risa i 
smdoc 
natasa azdic 

my treasured films

when matea from the amazing 'enchanted gardens' asked if i could suggest her some films to watch in reply to candy, it gave me an idea to make a 'favourite film' post. 

i love watching lots of different types of films; comedy, drama, psychological thriller, documentary etc. but when i sat and wrote down my most treasured films i quickly realised how most of them were all classed as 'independent'. although independent films are probably my least watched kind of film among all the (many crap) hollywood ones i watch, the indie films were the style that made the largest impact on me. i remember these films the most because of their unique directing, or their stunning cinematography, or their multi-layered characters, or their approach of new ideas or fresh, satirical reworking of hackneyed ideas. all these elements combined made a lasting impression on me, and by sharing these with you maybe you will be presented with some films that will change the way you think, or inspire you, or perhaps i will merely re-introduce you to them. i've definitely forgot some but hopefully you can share your favourite movies too, i need some new ones to watch xo

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

the science of sleep

where the wild things are

the dreamers

donnie darko

garden state

fight club

pulp fiction

amelie

rushmore

up (favourite children's movie of all time)

freaks and geeks (not a film but a great tv show)

the black balloon

candy

photos by 

natalia peris 

mariel b 

moving to the city

in the next month i will be moving out of home with my boyfriend and away from my family to the city to start university soon after that. there are so many things about the idea that scare me; to not feel a sense of home in a house, to not be completely surrounded by nature and be by the sea, to not walk up to my mother and hug her when i feel upset or afraid, and to not be familiar with the smells around me and not be able to smell the ocean, the rainforest, the scent of home. but being strong and seeing past these haunting things, i am so excited to meet new people, to find a new second-hand bookshop, a lovely & small cafe & op shops, to absorb knowledge from not only my uni course but amazing individuals, and most appropriate to this post, to decorate our new room and make it 'home'.

the thought walking through ikea with a huge, empty trolley makes me unbelievable happy and now that i have the opportunity to buy a new bed and bedside table and sheets and lamps and desk and perhaps some other lovely things,  i'm going a little ikea crazy on their website. here are some photos that make me feel like a little girl at a birthday party that has an endless amount of candy and cute little animals,

slow down

it's funny how sorry you start feeling for yourself once you begin to get sick. a sore throat and a headache suddenly turns into me moping around the house in pajamas with my hair dishevelled & knotted (and not in a chic way). maybe it's our natural instinct; to make us slow down and understand that we're not all fine and dandy, and that we do need someone to make our teas and get the warmer doona because we suddenly feel cold. i know from personal experience that when i do push myself and pretend i'm not feeling well, i become more sick. so here's to maybe being a little bit of a whiney child and enjoying the quiet (yet mostly boring) time while i have it.

photo by feaverish 

happy new year

today has been the perfect summer day. you can smell the salt from the ocean in the breeze, the whirring sound of the ceiling fan calms you, the cicadas are singing so loud it almost hurts your ears, the sea is sapphire blue & the water feels like velvet, you can feel the sun burn your skin as you lay on the verandah eating cold watermelon that makes your teeth twinge, salt & sand sticks to your back, and droplets of sweat gather on the inside of your bent knees as the sun glares off your shiny skin.

today is new years eve and it's crazy to think about how the year has flown by. next year brings huge changes; i move to the big city, away from my family and small beach town, and i start university. i'm scared but very excited.

this evening my boyfriend and i are going to the night markets and fun fair, and then going to my friend's new years eve party - i hope it will be a nice, laid-back evening.

whatever way you choose to spend your night, whether it's out in the wild, crazy night or inside snuggled up with a movie, i wish you a beautiful night. happy new year!

photos by
petracollins
jack
natalia peris 

..

it's one of those days where you're just content staying in bed all day staring mindlessly at the tv. outside is sunless and a gentle wind makes the leaves dance. inside the doona is cool against my cheeks and the quiet buzz of the television is calming.

i hope you are having a lovely christmas eve,

photos by

utter otter 

lovelyoverdose 
emma parry